A MATTER OF UNDERSTANDING

I don’t know. I like to think that I was the instigator of this idea, but I could be wrong. Ideas have a way of spawning simultaneously in minds around the globe, as if transmitted on an undefined wave through an as yet undetermined medium.

It happened, one day some years ago, standing in line at the cashier’s in Ralph’s grocery store, that I found myself behind a cart holding a young child with big round eyes, obviously a bit under the weather. I watched a little hand pass under a runny nose then slide smoothly along the handle of the cart. Something told me that this needed a little attention.

Upon returning home I wrote letters to Ralph’s headquarters and to the Chlorox company stating my concern that grocery store cart handles could be among the worst transmitters of disease in the community. I heard nothing from either party, but imagine the warmth in my heart upon discovering, a few months later, a Chlorox hand wipe dispenser at the entrance to Ralphs, mounted on a crude stand, with the message: “Hand Wipes for Your Convenience.”

It seems that the idea took hold, as in the ensuing years the dispensers at store entrances appeared at more and more places, even at Home Depot. They appeared in various designs, which indicated more than one entrepreneur was involved. I imagine it has gone national, maybe international (Aha! I am a job creator, and not even a one percenter! Maybe the sycophants who proclaim the rich are job creators are in error!).

But it has become clear that my work is not yet done. “Hand Wipes for Your Convenience” merely begs the question:  Why do I need clean hands to shop? (What a dumb idea). 

Humans respond poorly to indirect or implicit instructions. “Hand Wipes for Your Convenience” is like saying “Powder Room” for “Ladies Restroom.” That took considerable training as “Powder Room” was historically where they kept kegs of gunpowder.  Signs that are explicit work best, like “Cross” and “Don’t Cross.” Exit”, with an arrow. No Parking. You get the idea. Good signs get results. Of course it brings to mind the oft repeated tale about P.T. Barnum’s method of emptying the arena for the next wave of customers with the sign: “This Way to the Egress.”

So it’s time for another letter to Ralphs and Chlorox.

Gentlemen: You must change your sign to read “Hand Wipes for Germ Free Cart Handles.” 

That ought to do it.